Archive for the ‘Scraaaw and Craaaaw’ Category

Transformers 3
July 5, 2011

Well here we go again Mr. Bay. For a 2 hour 37 min run time, you managed to cram as much Scraaaaw and Craaaw (explosions everyone) into it as humanly possible (no pun intended). Again this proves that if there is ever an explosion in a movie in some way, shape, or form, Michael Bay had his hands on it. He found ways of blowing up buildings, cars, THE MOON, and probably caused enough damage to fictitiously bankrupt our already crippled economy. In my honest estimation, outside of basically blowing up half the moon, there must’ve been a trillion dollars in damage in this movie. No big. Oh yea and there had to have been a few dozen million civilian casualties. All the while tying to major events, the 1972 moon landing and the meltdown at Chernobyl together. Bravo M. Bay, Bravo. Sounds like the Green Lantern should grab a fraction of what is going on in Bay’s head and he would be able to mind fuck any bad guy that came his way.

But in all seriousness, the movie was a quality flick if what you’re looking for is of the explosive, conspiraracy theory, tits, corny jokes, TYRESE, and concept car variety. There is plenty of that to go around. Plus I must say the substitution of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley for Megan Fox is a trade up but still almost negligible. Not that it has any sort of effect on the caliber of acting, Shia is again over dramatic. I mean does anyone else see the total lack of talent he possesses? ChubbsandShooter sure do. If you disagree feel free to take a look at this cinematic piece of art, Shia practically tees it up for us. Oh and did we forget to mention the number of scenes where Shia should literally be torn apart by alien mechanical robots the size of buildings yet he is able to land on his feet like a fucking cat every time. Seriously, count the number of times where Sam Witwicky should have been blown to bits by any number of explosions yet is left unscathed.  We had around a half dozen. He’s not Arnold people.

When it is all said and done this Transformers is arguably as solid as the first installment, if not more and the whole cast is able to rebound from the upperdecker that was Transformers 2. Hope to see more of the new Megan Fox and we are sure she will have a deep and highly versatile career because she definitely has more to offer than just being something to look at and keep your mind off the impending doom that exists throughout the entire movie…

 

ChubbsandShooter rating = 7.4

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The Green Lantern
June 27, 2011

Just watched this recently, not the best quality (cough) but for movies sake, hold on to your $9.50. Simply not worth it. Here’s the best way i can go about describing this hour 45 flop: Imagine you are a child and everything that you can do with your ridiculous imagination can come true using a magical…ringpop. Now add about 15 years on to your life with all the cool shit we’ve seen like laser guns and the ability to teleport and proximity mines (Goldeneye shoutout). Wouldn’t you be the greatest superhero in the universe INSTANTLY?! Wouldn’t you fuck superman’s shit up if he so much as mentioned the whole “faster than a speeding bullet” thing to you?! But nooooooo, Hollywood found a way of not only making Ryan Reynolds suck a being basically immortal, and did so by dragging out 75 out of 105 minutes of this movie doing basically NOTHING. The Green Lantern doesn’t even get his sex on with Blake Lively who is a horrendous actress but finds a way to get cast in a 9832647 trillion dollar budgeted film. Basically if you can speak and are close to a 9 or 10 as a female, here’s a blank check (Megan Fox Rule).  Either way there are some decent special effects but this one under performed like LeBron in the NBA Finals. Nice goin’ Universal.

Lots of sccraaaw and craaaaw, no follow through. It was as if the writers imagined a shitty movie while wearing a magical do-anything-you-can-think-of ring.

 

ChubbsandShooter rating: 4.8