Grantland

July 5, 2011 - Leave a Response

Occasionally we will be putting links to other blogs and posts from around the InterWebs. Bill Simmons just started a new website based completely on his background as a sports writer and entertainment enthusiast. Not to mention he’s got a number of great writers on the staff who basically do what we want to do but they get paid doing it coughdonationscough. Anyways check this recent blog out about Hollywood’s lead actors. Does a great job of explaining how mindless we are and Will Smith’s Winning Formula which I have been preaching for years.

 

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6716942/the-movie-star

 

 

-chubbsandshooter

Bridesmaids

July 5, 2011 - Leave a Response

For those critics who said that Bridesmaids was the female wedding version of The Hangover, take a big step back…This is a great flick and it had me laughing pretty much from start to finish but it isn’t the anomaly that birthed Zach Galifianakis. But there are elements to this movie that we haven’t seen before, like basically an all female cast.  That and a woman shitting in the street which I’m proud to say was a first for me.

Unfortunately there are some predictable plot lines that go on in this movie, like all other “my best friend is getting married” movies. Really, just think about it for a minute. I am about to describe almost all of those types of movies in the next 4 sentences. Best friend of the bride/groom is so happy for their friend and the movie starts off with how great the pair is as friends. Antagonist is introduced creating a wedge between both characters. Characters grow apart, leaving the single friend to self analyze and eventually have a breakthrough from a third party i.e. a relative or single person from the opposite sex they meet along the way. Single friend (now with significant other) comes to the rescue of the marrying friend and saves the day (mentally or physically) while the movie wraps up with a nice bow, having all parties met the person of their dreams etc etc etc. Apply this outline to any future script ever written for the class of movie and the only thing separating one from another is the comedic or dramatic filler in between. Bridesmaids just happens to go the extremely comedic route.

I have to say Kristen Wiig really shows up in this movie along with her friend Ricky Gervais…I mean Melissa McCarthy. Seriously people, they are replicas of one another. Give McCarthy a buzz cut and a British accent and cloning has officially arrived. Nevertheless she is hilarious and somewhat steals the show, or at least helps you forget that Maya Rudolph is in the movie in the first place.

Seriously, same person.

There are some amazingly awkward and hilarious scenes in this one and it really does the job, just not sure if it’s one of those classic requotables like the Hangover was/is. It won’t stand up in the test of time in the comedy realm but it certainly is one of the best shows of 2011 with all the shit and garbage that’s been floating around the past few months.

Chubbsandshooter rating = 8.1

Transformers 3

July 5, 2011 - Leave a Response

Well here we go again Mr. Bay. For a 2 hour 37 min run time, you managed to cram as much Scraaaaw and Craaaw (explosions everyone) into it as humanly possible (no pun intended). Again this proves that if there is ever an explosion in a movie in some way, shape, or form, Michael Bay had his hands on it. He found ways of blowing up buildings, cars, THE MOON, and probably caused enough damage to fictitiously bankrupt our already crippled economy. In my honest estimation, outside of basically blowing up half the moon, there must’ve been a trillion dollars in damage in this movie. No big. Oh yea and there had to have been a few dozen million civilian casualties. All the while tying to major events, the 1972 moon landing and the meltdown at Chernobyl together. Bravo M. Bay, Bravo. Sounds like the Green Lantern should grab a fraction of what is going on in Bay’s head and he would be able to mind fuck any bad guy that came his way.

But in all seriousness, the movie was a quality flick if what you’re looking for is of the explosive, conspiraracy theory, tits, corny jokes, TYRESE, and concept car variety. There is plenty of that to go around. Plus I must say the substitution of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley for Megan Fox is a trade up but still almost negligible. Not that it has any sort of effect on the caliber of acting, Shia is again over dramatic. I mean does anyone else see the total lack of talent he possesses? ChubbsandShooter sure do. If you disagree feel free to take a look at this cinematic piece of art, Shia practically tees it up for us. Oh and did we forget to mention the number of scenes where Shia should literally be torn apart by alien mechanical robots the size of buildings yet he is able to land on his feet like a fucking cat every time. Seriously, count the number of times where Sam Witwicky should have been blown to bits by any number of explosions yet is left unscathed.  We had around a half dozen. He’s not Arnold people.

When it is all said and done this Transformers is arguably as solid as the first installment, if not more and the whole cast is able to rebound from the upperdecker that was Transformers 2. Hope to see more of the new Megan Fox and we are sure she will have a deep and highly versatile career because she definitely has more to offer than just being something to look at and keep your mind off the impending doom that exists throughout the entire movie…

 

ChubbsandShooter rating = 7.4

Predator

June 28, 2011 - Leave a Response

Where do we begin. Concept? Genius. Casting? Perfect. And one man to lead a group of special forces into a jungle thats “alive”, Arnold. Arguably his greatest performance ever as a human, he captivates the screen with his god-like ability to dodge bullets, blow up small enemy villages, and fight creatures that are faster, stronger, and FUCKING INVISIBLE. Not only do the writers realize they have a winning piece of script on their hands, but they also decide to give the viewer more gunslinging and explosions to serve as filler in between the scenes where Arnold and the gang hunt, or are hunted by an alien. For any normal movie lover, this one goes on the top shelf as a possible rewatch. Some polls say that the Lion King is the movie people would watch over and over again in some sort of purgatory. To me, this one belongs in that mix.

Also one of the best quoted movies of all time. Here’s a link summing up the movie in like 5 minutes. Absolute genius. Koodoos to the british gaf who took the time to rap about American Culture 101. Don’t watch if you don’t want it ruined for you. PREDATOR RAP

DILLION, you son of a BITCH!

chubbsandshooter rating: 8.9

 

 

 

 

Stone

June 27, 2011 - Leave a Response

First off, gotta say Ed Norton was in my top 10 greatest actors of our generation for some of the stuff he has done, but im coming to the realization it was more about me wanting him to knock out the likes of Brad Pitt, but he just pumped out another flop in Stone. Spoiler alert: let me wrap this one up in 1 to 2 sentences. Ed Norton aka Stone, mind fucks his girl and DiNero into letting him out of prison a whopping 2 years early. In the process, DiNero takes a look back on his shitty life and realizes he’s a scumbag and everything falls down around him. Besides the shitty sex scene with the chick from Resident Evil (check that off the Bucket List) it was practically the opposite of a Pantie Dropper. Actually, fuck pantie dropper, no one should have to sit through something like this. Your welcome world, this is us just laying down and taking one for the team here. Now there is some decent individual acting done, and you get to hear Ed talk like a thug which is kinda weird but still cool. DiNero is just awful and its sad to see him dilute his acting career with shit like this (also see Righteous Kill). Point being it should not be watched ever. And for the record Ed would get raped like clock work looking like this bitch in any prison with angry criminals roaming around.

 

ChubbsandShooter rating: 3.4

 

The Green Lantern

June 27, 2011 - Leave a Response

Just watched this recently, not the best quality (cough) but for movies sake, hold on to your $9.50. Simply not worth it. Here’s the best way i can go about describing this hour 45 flop: Imagine you are a child and everything that you can do with your ridiculous imagination can come true using a magical…ringpop. Now add about 15 years on to your life with all the cool shit we’ve seen like laser guns and the ability to teleport and proximity mines (Goldeneye shoutout). Wouldn’t you be the greatest superhero in the universe INSTANTLY?! Wouldn’t you fuck superman’s shit up if he so much as mentioned the whole “faster than a speeding bullet” thing to you?! But nooooooo, Hollywood found a way of not only making Ryan Reynolds suck a being basically immortal, and did so by dragging out 75 out of 105 minutes of this movie doing basically NOTHING. The Green Lantern doesn’t even get his sex on with Blake Lively who is a horrendous actress but finds a way to get cast in a 9832647 trillion dollar budgeted film. Basically if you can speak and are close to a 9 or 10 as a female, here’s a blank check (Megan Fox Rule).  Either way there are some decent special effects but this one under performed like LeBron in the NBA Finals. Nice goin’ Universal.

Lots of sccraaaw and craaaaw, no follow through. It was as if the writers imagined a shitty movie while wearing a magical do-anything-you-can-think-of ring.

 

ChubbsandShooter rating: 4.8

 

Hello world!

June 27, 2011 - Leave a Response

Come one come all. Use the categories on the right to search for some of the new shit we’ve categorized for everyone to sift through.